I'm sure all of you have at least 1 friend on facebook who updates their status either 15 times a day or to say something completely useless like ' Linda is about to jump in the bath' Ok- Ten points to Linda for personal hygiene or 'Paul is sleeping'! This type of status really makes my weave loosen. If you were sleeping, you wouldn't be on facebook. Or maybe you are some kind of advanced super human and use the internet whilst sleeping. I think people should treat their status like a bank account, if it don't generate interest it is pretty useless! Now you seriel status offenders how many comments do you get for your dull status? HOW MANY.....TELL ME? Do people comment 'oh thats great Anne, glad to see your about to jump in the bath'. I have officially decided that anyone with useless updates will get deleted. I will make a statement by informing you via your wall as well. No private messages here. I will simply write on your wall 'dear status offender, you are officially relieved of duty and are no longer my friend'. I use facebook for various reasons and the main reason is entertainment. Now tell me after a friggin long day at work why would I want to see your status? Or even better when i am skiving at work, why do I need to see your status? It is useless, pointless and makes me want to slap some status swagger into you!
Don't get me wrong status updates with nothing but dots or smiley faces annoy me not. I just can't stand you offenders who must tell us your every move. God forbid I was a seriel killer, I would be able to create the perfect murder. Ok 6.45 am She said she was sleeping. Let me go over to her house now and kill her! Think about it, we don't need to know when you take a dump or when you go to Tesco's. I actually think the worst status I have ever seen is '(name) is driving'. How silly can you get? Imagine you got pulled over by police for driving whilst using your phone. That status could be used as evidence against you in the courtroom. And believe me facebook has like a trillion MB for storing your updates.
I totally agree with you there sister!!! Go play wid ya pussy and stop talking about your relationship through your status, HE AND SHE ARE NOT INTERESTED!!
These people are just too nuff! telling us they are "going to grannies!" who cares if your going to grannies just flippin' go! You make me wanna fart in my hand and throw it in your face! *anger*
The worst ones for me are the relationship updates??? PLEASE JUST LEAVE IT BLANK! honestly we don't care if u are single, married or open! every minute your popping up in my updates when im trying to spy on other peoples personal business i.e (what friends me and a next buff ting have in common) it just gets me angry! *takes one of his pills*
I mean if you and your dirty lover are going through hard times and you don't know why let me tell you... BECAUSE YOU ARE ON FACEBOOK TOO MUCH! that is why! up on there sharing your business with us all looking for sympathy when what you friends should really be doing is telling you to go call Jeremy kyle cos facebook is not a chat show!
So please we warned if i catch you updating too much i will delete you... status should be nothing but juicy gossip.. like your mum is cheating on your dad and u need advice? or u did a number 2 in a links house and had to use the brush to push the heavy log down! that's what we wanna b hearing!
Oh and lastly another thing that you lot really tick me off with... is this text talking... like "s3xy" i mean you have taken the timeout to use the "3" why not just put the "e" what is wrong with you?? really? its not sexy, or cute! Any male or female that finds that attractive is an immigrant! YES I SAID IT! your not legal so get off my facebook... better still take your fake beige passport and papers and get out of my country! hahahahaha..... I'm joking... you can stay... just pay taxes like i do!
OK so HE and SHE have ranted....
you have all been warned!
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